I don’t know what I did exactly to deserve this because I’m a fucking angel, but Sam said this to me and now I will need to use this in conversations all the time! “Remember this moment when I’m smothering you to death with a cat vagina.” It will catch whoever you are talking to completely… Continue reading Conversations in a Day
My first job after moving to Pittsburgh was at a high end sex shop. Most of my friends couldn’t get over the fact that I could say dildo or penis enhancement with a straight face, but honestly it became almost second nature. I loved the products we sold and the people I worked with. For… Continue reading Do you carry fuzzy butt plugs?
This weekend was my adorable niece, Julia’s first birthday! Sam came up with the idea of making a mermaid tail blanket for her. So I started crocheting away and it was slowly coming together when I realized that I am a terrible judge of how small a one year old actually is and made a… Continue reading Mermaid Tales
Text message I had with my roommate this morning before work. Me: I want chocolate…. And steak… And chocolate covered steak! *sobs* that sounds so beautiful Chelsea: I will see what I can do And then she bought me a dark chocolate fudge cake with chocolate icing. She knows me so well. We also tend… Continue reading The Red Wedding has Arrived
So we had the first mouse in our house ever and it was probably one of the more interesting experiences of my life. I was driving my roommate to pick up her car and I had just pulled back onto my street, when Sam (my wife) calls me. I pick up and she immediately asks… Continue reading Mouse Hunt
I realize I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve been traveling a lot and visiting family for the holidays. Apparently one is supposed to socialize at family gatherings… So I couldn’t escape to my computer. My dad gave me his old IPad though with a keyboard and everything so now I have a more… Continue reading When Someone Pees on the Floor the Party is Over.
When you’re driving down the highway at night blasting the radio and then you jump out of your skin because the grim reaper is coming towards your window and you realize you’re going to die in Ohio of all places. Then you realize that the grim reaper is actually a black trash bag blowing in… Continue reading To die in Ohio of all places